Empty.
I feel awfully empty.
I think we all feel like that sometimes. Although in my case
it is a bit different.
I always feel empty, but there are days when the emptiness
is so strong in consumes me. This is one of those days when I feel very lost, I
don`t feel like I belong and I feel emptier than in general.
I remember feeling like this a lot when I was younger. I
have a very strong memory of a particular day when I was laying in my be,
crying my eyes out screaming “I don` t belong here, I don`t want to be here!
Take me home!” And on that day I was certainly sure, I didn`t belong to this
planet, and I am wasn`t one of the people around me.
I didn`t understand their language, I didn`t understand their
actions. It was all messed up and weird and I whatever I did was wrong in those
people eyes. I didn`t belong. And I still don`t belong to anywhere.
I am so glad, at least I found my Aspie sisters on FB. It`s
the only place I can be true and honest without judgment. I feel so safe
there, so alive.
I love not having to explain why am I going through a
meltdown after going out for a meeting. I love not having to explain why I
don`t want to do certain things, eat certain foods, or why I need to do certain
routines.
Yet, I feel so empty. Like nothing can save me.
I don`t wish I was dead, I just wish I wasn`t here. Because
I miss home, and I miss being a part of a planet where I belong to.
How did we get here? Why are we here?
I hate this feeling so much….feeling so empty and drained.
Feeling misunderstood all the times. It`s so exhausting.
Please let me go home!
